The way an argument is handled determines how badly a relationship suffers. Arguments are unavoidable; what becomes detrimental is when they turn into an infinite cycle of defensiveness, guilt, and silence. When issues surface in a marriage or a family, a therapist can assist in more than one capacity. They advise couples and families on how to dispute constructively, pay more attention, and solve problems instead of discounting or dodging them. Read more!

Have you ever started a casual conversation only to discover that it turned into a fight about a quite different subject? That is average. Old grudges come racing back when emotions overwhelm individuals, and a dispute over who cares more about clean dishes turns into a debate on priorities. A therapist can help you slow down and stay from straying into a tangent during your speech.

While some people withdraw from conflict, others get more hostile. Maybe one of you is eager to get things out on the open while the other wants time to consider things. Both points of view are legitimate, but when we don’t know each other’s points of view, navigating debates is challenging. This split can be filled in therapy such that neither partner feels suffocated nor ignored.

Then there’s the issue of really hearing one another. People want to know what you believe; listening is insufficient. Words become twisted, intentions are misinterpreted, and occasionally during intense confrontation assumptions grab hold. By helping to find and resolve the underlying problems, a therapist can help both sides to feel validated and accepted.

The actual enemy is ineffective handling of conflict. Marital and family therapists can teach couples and families how to argue productively, therefore bringing everyone closer together. In the end, developing the relationships that really matter counts more than winning arguments.