run the j

Fuck the lower back pain I got
Bending over backwards for you.

Fuck your Oedipal complex
Your mom is out of her fucking mind.

Fuck whatever she did
I’m not her.

Fuck every night you were too stressed out about work
To get it up.

Fuck you for not leaving work at work
And thinking about it during sex.

Fuck you for making pillow talk about work

Fuck you for saying you felt like you were about to cheat on me
Go ahead. Fuck you.

Fuck you for saying I’d look great
If I worked out more.

Fuck you for saying you knew you
Couldn’t trust a bi girl.

Fuck you for moving to Oakland
After I moved to Oakland
And never answering me.

Fuck every piece I ever wrote Because of or in spite of you
Including this. Fuck this poem.

Fuck every time I let you flake with no notice
Playing it super cool to your cold shoulder

Fuck every orgasm I let you give me
Don’t flatter yourself: i’ve been making myself come since I was 10.

Fuck you for barring me from a public space
For the first time in my life.

Fuck you for lifting the ban
Then reinstating it with no explanation.

Fuck you for making me be the bigger person
Every time you disrespected me.

Fuck you for making me feel
Twice my age.

Fuck you for letting me down
Then worming your way back into my good graces
And letting me down

Fuck you for fucking me over
And over and over and over again

Fuck your radio silence
It’s 2015 send a goddamn text every once in awhile.

Fuck the breadcrumbs you left
Leading me back to you

Fuck you for leaving 9 months of graphic messages to her on your phone
And not having the balls to break up with me

Fuck you for not knowing yourself enough
To love yourself enough
To even remotely love me

Fuck you.

About the Author: Riss is bad with names but she still wants to know yours. She has been described as “absurd”, a “rainbow-infused space unicorn”, and “a hot piece with brains to match”. She writes poetry, prose, short stories, and hand-written letters and has been a feature at You’re Going to Die, Berkeley Poetry Express, Lyrics & Dirges, and the Crow Show. She lives in Oakland with her partner, a three-legged dog, and a snake named Kisses.

Artwork: Alexandra Herrington